It’s early morning on a Monday. I’ve just put my son back into his crib after spending 45 minutes feeding, rocking, baby chatting, and diaper changing him. I’m thinking about my agenda for today, and stop to think about how my life has changed in just one year.
Flash back to the summer of 2015 and you would find me living in a different house, filling my days with trips to the gym, walks in my neighborhood, reading books such as Game of Thrones and silly memoirs that made the heat much more bearable, and thinking about how blessed I was that I would be teaching the same curriculum as the last year, which allowed for such a laid-back approach to my “break.”
Now, I groggily respond to the sounds of hunger from the white crib across the room from my own bed. I brush hair out of my face and hope that it’s been at least two hours since the last time I woke up, and then fill up with joy and love as I look down at a smiling, toothless face. Warming up bottles and cups of coffee while I bounce a fussy boy fill the mornings that used to be frantic with the importance of getting my day started; don’t waste a minute being static.
Our day is fairly routine: feed a baby, burp a baby, change a baby, play with a baby, take 126 pictures of a baby, make faces at a baby, coo with a baby, ask a baby “who’s a _______ boy??”and wait for him to respond, kiss a baby, rock a baby, put a baby down for a nap, revel in the sensation of moving around the house without a 15lb. doll-face in your arms, mentally review the list of things that need to be taken care of and choose one, begin pulling out supplies/putting things away/clean up a mess, hear a baby fuss, pick up a baby, feed a baby, feed a baby….
My life and desires are completely turned on their sides, and I literally cannot remember what I did with myself when I didn’t have something so important to fill it up. The things that used to consume my mind and decision-making are blurs, so I don’t even care that I don’t address them anymore. I seek to find a balance between the new life and some sense of Amanda R Ferrari, but the scales are pretty tipped in Mommy’s favor, which is how I prefer it. I still love to read, to watch my trashy tv shows, and workout, but it’s with the purpose to be at my best for my family.
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Right now, my son is playing on his play mat that lights up and sings to him, and I am back from celebrating with my husband that he was able to reach up and grasp TWO toys at once, whereas two weeks ago he was still wildly swinging at the swinging animals, catching one every 20th attempt.
I can’t tell you what the purpose of this blog is going to be other than to say it’s going to be about my life. I’m sure that there will be additions from all facets of my life: Mommyhood, teaching, reading, workouts, etc. I hope you can find something of value here, and I thank you for reading.