Secret Blogging

Earlier today I announced that I was expecting a bundle of joy in March.  It’s been such an exciting time of my life, and my husband and I are totally over the moon about our expanding family.  As any exciting news event or events that need to be chronicled, I felt compelled to write about our journey through the first trimester.  Of course until we announced the pregnancy, I kept those blog posts private.  I am ready to share some of those entries with you.

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Please don’t let the color of this photo mislead you; we do not know the sex of the baby yet.

 

Written on August 5th:

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Hello, Baby Ferrari!

Today we found out that you existed.  It’s a pretty crazy thing to know that there was an exact moment when someone realized you’re a real thing and no longer just a concept or a dream.  I found out that you were going to be hanging around for the next, well rest of my life, in the bathroom of a Panera Bread.  I love the restaurant.  But let me back up.

About three weeks ago, I started having some stomach issues that are very gross and uncomfortable.  I ignored that, but when I started feeling light-headed and slightly nauseous, I knew that it was time to get into the doctor.  I had not had a regular family doctor since moving to Jacksonville, so I asked your grandmother for a referral.  She sent me to Dr. T.  He’s a very nice man who sent me to the local Baptist Hospital location to do some lab work.  I took care of that, and when I still wasn’t feeling better in a few days, I was obviously still concerned.  But there was something new that I hadn’t noticed before.  I had outside symptoms that really had nothing to do with digestion.  I don’t mean to gross you or anyone else out, but my breasts had grown and were very sore, as in to the touch.  I guess I started putting two-and-two together at that point that I could indeed be pregnant, but still didn’t quite believe it.

I had gone to an OBG-YN about two years earlier because we have been trying to welcome you into the world since 2011.  She ran all sorts of tests on me because I have not had a regular cycle since, well ever.  She basically told me that my hormone levels were very low and that it would be highly unlikely that I would ever conceive naturally.  So again, when I had those non-stomach issues, I really wasn’t convinced that it was anything pregnancy related.

Skip forward to today; I was on my way to getting my hair cut and colored when I decided to stop in a Walgreens and get a pregnancy test.  I had a few extra minutes before my appointment, so I went into the bathroom at Panera Break in front of Miny’s salon.  I did the test and almost immediately I saw the blue cross form.  Well, after having taken a couple of pregnancy tests in the past, I knew that a certain hormone that was only present in pregnant women’s urine caused this to appear, but then again, the test was on sale and false-positives are always possible.  So I went to the hair appointment and sat and thought about you, my new life, and what was going to be happening from now for two hours.  It was brutal.  I tried to have a conversation with Miny, but I was very distracted.  I had to tell her about you because I was concerned the chemicals in the hair dye would be harmful to you.  Turns out it’s ok this early in the pregnancy.

After the appointment was done, I decided to stop by the Joann Fabric that was next door and look for something cute to use as an announcement prop.  There was nothing there that would work for Dad, so when I left, there, I bought a cookie for Dad and then drove to take another pregnancy test.  It was still Walgreens and it was still positive.

When I got home, I told Dad that I had bought him a few things.  He was super excited because he made enchillades from scratch for us.  I had his attention and showed him the cookie, then I showed him the positive pregnancy test.  He was both shocked and elated.  It was a total shock to us both.  We really had no idea that you were even a possibility, let alone a probability.  I really didn’t think that I was meant to have a baby of my own in this life, yet here you are.

We started making jokes about how life was never going to be the same.  I said “It’s so weird because everything is different, yet everything is the same.”  And that’s how I’m still feeling right now.  I know you exist, but it hasn’t hit me yet that you’re real.

I am going to talk to the doctors tomorrow, but in the meantime, I’m going to be buying a copy of “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.”  It’s apparently THE book for all expectant parents.  Our first Baby Ferrari purchase, if you don’t count the second pregnancy test or bib/diaper pattern.

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Written later that same day:

So it’s been about 12 hours since I found out I was pregnant, or successfully peed on two sticks and crosses popped back up, and I’ve had so many different thoughts go through my head.  I’m very overwhelmed.  The biggest cloud category is confusion.  I’ve heard so many different things about pregnancy, what foods to eat, what activity levels are safe, books to order, blogs to read, how I’m going to manage all of it.  Ok, so maybe it’s not “confusion” but “anxiety.”

When you’ve resigned yourself to a life without children and then you find out you’re going to have one, well it’s definitely a 180 in everything in your life.  I feel as though all the other little things that I made priorities in my life aren’t.  I reached for my planner, and I looked at how I hadn’t touched it all day.  Eh, oh well.  I mean, this is going to be my life from now on.  I’ve got “The Real Housewives of New York” on in the background as I type this, and I just want to punch them in the face.  I’d rather be looking up a list of blogs to read to help me understand WTF is going to be happening with my body for the next 9 months.

I also started thinking about my job.  I have been working for the past 10 years to get to a place of comfort and prestige, so now that my TOP boss has literally told me I’m up for the next big promotion, I don’t know if I want that.  My first thoughts when I think about my professional life is that I want part time at most.  I haven’t even had a doctor confirm that there’s a little Randy Orton in my belly (because the pregnancy came out of nowhere, like an RKO), and I’m already thinking about giving away my career.  I don’t want to never work, but now I know why Dan really got a promotion.

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Written on August 6th:

Yesterday, Dan and I went to the public library to do some research about what the hell is going on with me, the baby, and other things we didn’t know we needed to worry about be prepared for.  Sadly, the title selection wasn’t so great for the pregnant mommy, but if you have questions about menopause or raising children with bipolar disorders, they seemed to be fully stocked.  But there was some interesting information available.

I learned that (if I am 6 weeks along) that the baby’s heart ventricles are developing and the heart beat is starting to develop.  Right now, there are limb buds, and the embryo is starting to get out of the “tadpole phase” and is about the size of a lima bean/pea.

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Written on August 9th:

I decided to try doing the weekly progress photos where the mama-to-be wears the same outfit each week.  Because I don’t know how many weeks along I am yet, I decided to give it my best guess:

Week 4-7

 

I have my first OB-GYN appointment tomorrow morning, which was coincidentally made before knowing about the pregnancy.  I don’t know if they’ll be able to tell me anything about the baby, but I will keep you updated.

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Written later that same day:

On Friday, I made a secret trip ]o Joann Fabrics to do a little browsing to help me get inspired for the nursery.  I already know that I want to have all white furniture, but the color scheme/theme was not something I had really decided on.  I knew that either way I wanted it to be gender neutral: no pink, no blue.  I of course used Pinterest to get some inspiration.  Here are some of the pictures that I utilized:

With these images in mind, here are the fabrics that I chose:

Blanket Materials

Nursery Material

The two-tone gray fabric will be used for accents such as the bumper around the crib’s mattress, wall accents, curtains, a pillow or two, and probably a receiving blanket.

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Written on August 12th:

It’s 4:19am on Wednesday morning, the day that I have to go back to work for teacher preplanning.  I’m actually really looking forward to getting back to a routine and what I consider my normal life, but what was may never be “normal” again.

I am also going to be meeting with my boss, the principal, and let him know that I am pregnant.  I’m sure that he is going to be completely happy and supportive of me.  He loves Dan, I know that he truly respects me, and knows that I am who I am, so I will continue to be his worker bee until I no longer can be.  I also plan on letting him know that I have no intention of “taking my baby and going home” next year.  I want to make a career here at my current school, and given the timing of the potential due date, I probably will slide right into the summer vacation months.  I don’t think all of that information is necessary for this meeting, but for now, that is my plan.

In other news, I read that some women keep a pregnancy dream journal.  Last night, I had a very vivid dream that I had to go pick up Sophie from the vet.  It was either a very hippie vet or a very expensive one because it was outdoors with several different buildings.  A holistic veterinary clinic I suppose.    Anyways, I walk into the building that I am supposed to pick her up and they go to the back to get her.  The technician walks back in with the wrong dog.  He looked like a brown poodle.  I told him that dog wasn’t Sophie and his face dropped.  Total confusion that this dog wasn’t mine.  He went in the back and I waited more impatiently and anxiously.  The second dog that came out wasn’t Sophie either.  More panic.  The techs and the receptionist go into full-out search mode.  I know that I shouldn’t get upset because Sophie is there, she may just not be in that building, but I can’t help myself and start to cry.  The dream is never resolved because I woke up before I could find out if my dog was missing or not.

I don’t know what the symbolism or meaning here is for sure, but I’m sure it won’t be the last dream that makes me wonder what it means.

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Written on August 15th:

I headed back to work on Wednesday, and spent three days back with my colleagues and the stress of being back on the clock.  I was able to keep up physically because there was mostly just attending meetings and taking notes.  I already had all of my materials in my classroom, so it was very easy to get everything setup.  I ended up switching my tables back for the desks, which was probably the most labor-intensive activity I participated in other than touching up the paint on my walls.  Overall, I was totally pumped to be back.

I made a review realizations about how I’m going to have management myself and this pregnancy at work:

  1.  I have to eat small amounts of food at a time.  No more of this eating the entire lunch at one time like last year.  I have to have a little bit every 3-ish hours.  It’s not because of morning sickness, but because of the ugly bloating and uncomfortable feeling.
  2. WATER WATER WATER!  I get so thirsty during the day with all the movement and talking that’s involved in my day.
  3. Only take on what I can handle.

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Written on August 22nd:

It’s been quiet around here because there hasn’t been any news in the World of Baby Ferrari.  I have been able to reschedule my first ultrasound, so September 3rd is the day!

I’ve been at work all week and haven’t experienced any nausea or fatigue.  Thankfully, that’s mostly because of all the multiple-hour meetings that have been scheduled.  I’ve been able to setup my classroom and move furniture around without any problems.  I’ll be heading into school today (Saturday) to finish things up, so I’ll snap some pictures and add them to the blog.


The first purchase for Baby Ferrari has been made.  I found a website that featured the sweetest little onesies.  Each was simply designed with an embroidered food item and a little pun to go along with it.  Dan and I each picked two, and they arrived just a few days ago.

Baby's First Onesies 1

Cookie: “Homemade”

Olive: “Olive you”

Baby's First Onesies 2

Beet: “Dance to the beat”

Peanut: “Peanut”

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That was the last post that I wrote because I have been back to school full time, which means that my mind is going in literally a million different directions.  I want to do my best to write a little bit each day, even if the update is that there is no update.

Thank you for sticking with me for this SUPER long post, but that means that I can start sharing all the excitement with you!

 

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